Pigil na mga Luha

(ang blog entry po na ito ay pakiki-emo kay iyah_kin at pagtugon sa kanyang trip, ano man ang pagkakahawig sa mga tunay na pangyayari ito ay nagkataon lamang at hindi sinasadya... lels)

Sa tuwing kasama ka hindi pwedeng ako’y kimi
Sapagkat puso’t labi ko ay laging nakangiti
Puso’y lumulukso at sadyang hindi mapakali
Pag-ibig ko sayo’y hindi na nga maikukubli.

Ikaw ang pangarap na matagal ko nang minimithi
Tugon sa aking panalanging sa labi’y namutawi
Dahil sayo ako ngayon ay buo
Pagmamahal ko ang siyang pumuno.

“Mahal”, ang sabi mo isang gabi,
“Ikaw lamang ang mamahalin,
Wala nang iba akong iibigin.”
Sa misis mong abot tenga ang ngiti!

Parang sinaksak ng tabak ang puso kong luhaan
Gusto kong mag-amok para sakit ay maibsan
Na habang kayo’y masaya sa piling ng isa’t isa
Ako’y nasa isang sulok, pigil ang mga luha.

Atty. Magtanggol

Matagal din akong nagnasa sayo, akala ko nakalimutan na kita dahil naging busy na ako sa Masteral ko. Totoo nga ang mga kwentong barbero, mahirap ang lumimot.

Ilang taon na din ang nagdaan, hindi na kita naiisip. Hindi na ko nagpapakabaliw sayo. Hindi na ko search ng search sa internet na parang stalker. Masaya naman na ako sa mga bagong pinagkakaabalahan ko. Nakalimutan na kita... Akala ko.

Maayos naman na ako, pero bakit muli mo na namang ginugulo ang isip ko? Nahahati ang puso ko sa ano ang dapat na gawin ko. Manghihinayang ba ako kung hindi ako susubok? Pagsisisihan ko ba kung sumugal ako sayo? Bakit ba hirap akong limutin ka?

Kaninang umaga lang, naiisip na naman kita. Magkahalong saya at kaba ang naramdaman ko. Muntik pa nga akong lumampas sa bababaang kalsada kakaisip sayo. Ano na naman ba ang nakain at muli’y nagbabalik ka?

Nae-excite ako isipin ko palang na makakasama kita, mga plano at gagawing kasama ka. Pero natatakot ako baka hindi rin naman magtagal at mabigo lang din ako. Mula sa malayo, parang ang saya. Pero pag lumapit na, nakakakaba at halos lumukso palabas ng rib cage ang puso ko.

Alam kong hindi na ganon kadali ang sitwasyon ko sa ngayon. Hindi na basta ginusto ko eh magagawa ko na. Marami na ang nagbago simula nu’ng unang araw na gumising akong gusto na kita. Sana noon pa pala, sumugal na ako. Sana noon pa sumubok na ako nang hindi ko nararamdaman ang ganito ngayon.

Hindi ko na alam kung ipagpapatuloy ko pa ang pagnanasang dati’y suma-akin na ngayo’y heto't nagbabalik. Aabutin na ba kita ngayon o mananatili ka na lang pangrap na tatanawin mula sa malayo? Isang pangarap na habambuhay na kukutkot sa isipan ko?

Case dismissed.

Para kay J.K (Drooling)

Sabay-sabay ang mid-year sale, talagang sinasadya at isinabay sa sahod ng mga ordinaryong manggagawang madaling matukso sa 50% off on all items. Kahit hindi naman kailangan eh paniguradong bibilhin “naka-sale kasi eh” ang isasagot pa sayo. Nakatipid nga ba siya?

Pero hindi naman talaga tungkol dyan ang kwento ko. Sumabay pa sa mga mega-sale nay an ang last and final installment ng Harry Potter ni J.K Rowling. Inabot ng halos labing-isang taon ang pagbuo sa pitong libro ng Harry Potter. Uber talaga sa dami ng adik sa HP at talagang magugulat ka sa haba ng mga pila sa sinehan. Kaya nakakahilo ang dami ng tao ngayon sa mga shopping malls. Kasunod nyan ang napakatraffic na lansangan. Sumakit ang pwet ko sa tagal ng byahe.

Pero hindi naman talaga tungkol dyan ang totoong kwento ko. Kanina, hindi sinasadyang (oo totoo, hindi talaga sinasadya) mapadaan ako sa MOA. ‘pag tapos kasing maglaba, naisip kong bumili ng scramble sa MOA, masarap daw kasi ang scramble dun, may yelo at asukal kaya sinubukan ko. Hindi ko alam (oo totoo, hindi ko rin alam) na meron palang pagtitipon na nagaganap sa Max’s Restaurant sa bandang sulok, sa loob-looban ng restaurant. Sa dulong mesa, may kumpulan ng mga pamilyar na katauhan.

Masaya ang simpleng salu-salo at puno ng katatawanang kwentuhan. Nakilala ko ang mukha sa likod ng ilang kwentong nababasa ko sa blogospero. Mas makulit pa pala sila sa “live chat” kesa sa chatroll. Nakita ko na rin at nakamayan sa wakas ang kauna-unahang blogger na sinubaybayan ko sa loob ng ilang taon. Suma total, hindi ko talaga inaasahan ang pangyayaring ito. :)

At syempre, unang beses kong makasama si J.K sa ganitong pagtitipon. Kaya para kay J.K, maraming salamat mula kay Bebejho! Salamat din sa libro! :)

(pramis, hindi ko talaga alam 'to. wala kong ideya na may ganito palang pagtitipon. ni hindi ko nga napaghandaan ito.. napadaan lang talaga ako....)

Teacher

During my childhood years, I really wanted to be a dentist. I just thought that having beautiful and complete teeth (naks!) will make me a good dentist. I imagined myself then wearing a perfect white dentist uniform with my super high-tech dental chair, dental mirror and a mask in my face – presto! I am a dentist…. in my dreams! And I am responsible in giving you a “no more, no less… only teeth that shine” smile! My desire to be a dentist was really intense then, maybe because all of my childhood friends wanted to be a teacher, so to make a difference, I wanted to be a dentist. Unlike them, being a teacher as a profession never entered in my neurons. Not because I regard the profession lesser than a dentist but I’m afraid of the responsibility attached to it, hence, I don’t want to be a teacher! :)

Isang nakakaantok na tanghali,
Kalaro 1: Hoy laro naman tayo.
Kalaro 2: Sige, tara ayain natin sila Menggay at Gelay!
Gelay: Ok, sige tara punta tayo kina Bebejho!
Mga Kalaro: Bebejho! Bebejho! Laro tayo!
Bebejho!: Tara! Anong laro ba? Piko tayo!
Gelay: Mainit pa eh.
Menggay: Oo nga, saka nde ko dala yung pamato ko sa piko, swerte un eh.
Kalaro 1 & 2: Eh di mag-aral-aralan na lang tayo!
Mga kalaro: Tama! Ikaw na lang ang teacher Bebejho!
Bebejho!: lels

But just like any other child, that childhood dream eventually changed. In my high school years, I’ve been busy being a sports news writer for our school paper “The Breeze” and in later years being a Logistics Officer (G4) of CAT. The intensity of being a dentist had its natural death and my heart wanted me to be a ringside sportscaster in PBA instead. It was during these years when I became so fascinated with sports, from basketball to bowling to billiards to boxing to athletics to chess to swimming to OTB (sports ba to?). Although I had this interest when I was young I think the peak was during my high school years. I took every opportunity to develop my sports writing style, watched other sports analyst and learned technical terms used in different sports. Sometimes I’m practicing my sports casting in front of my mirror. I had this obsession not until my high school graduation. All of a sudden I became confused of what I really want. But even during those confusions being a teacher was never an option for the same reason still.

Up until now, I still don’t want to be a teacher eventhough I had some orientation in teaching. I’m still afraid of the responsibility of being a teacher. Henry Adams once said that, “a teacher affects eternity, he can never tell where his influence stops”, and I’m afraid of this. For me, this means “making” or “breaking” a student’s dream depending of what a teacher may pass on to his/her student. I, being a teacher, may influence them to do well and be of help to chase those dreams or might fail and be cursed by my students all of their lives. Although I believe that success comes to those who really want it, influence of the teachers really has an impact.

Last March I was invited in San Francisco High School to facilitate one of recollection groups of the graduating class. The main objective is not just to encourage, motivate and empower them but also to impart Christian values as they will be more independent after graduation. I handled sections 16 and 17, tough sections really! It was here where I met Jasper. (pre-requisite ang Kuyukot ni Jasper)

Jasper caught my attention at once. He was untidy, with loose-fitting dirty-white polo, busted black shoes, silent and aloof. I don’t know how to approach him, luckily he smiled at me and I just asked him “Kamusta ka?” And we started the recollection.

After that day, I can’t stop thinking about Jasper and the youth of the new generation. Jasper was the VOICE of the struggling Filipino youth who could be an answer to the problem or could be the problem of the society if not properly motivated. How many young Filipinos are in the same situation of Jasper? How many of them chose the same path as Jasper’s or be on the other side and became delinquent? These thoughts really burdened me and found myself thinking of ways how I could help these young people.

For me, high school years are the critical times of a growing individual. It’s during this time where we start drawing our principles and molding our values. And so I thought, to be in-touched with the youth, I should be in school, in high school, helping the youth to draw their principle and mold their values.

Today is my first day as a volunteer Values Teacher of VOICE Phils (Values Orientation In Classroom Education) in San Francisco High School. I am now embracing the responsibility of influencing young people to be a God-fearing, good citizen of this country.

Indeed, our youth today is the only hope of tomorrow. So let’s make a difference in their youthful years!

I still don’t want to be a teacher but I want to be a motivator, influencer, adviser who teaches not just in the head but also in the heart. :)